As I was reflecting upon my nearly sleepless night last night, I thought of the above Paul McCartney lyric from “No More Lonely Nights”. When your brain is perseveratively churning and bringing a bunch of emotional energy with it, sleeping becomes challenging. It feels lonely and like it might actually take forever; but of course, no feeling ever lasts forever, does it? 😉
There were swaths of time I was able to stay with my body and get REALLY deep in there. As I welcomed the energy to move through at its own pace, I felt a whole bunch of fascinating things:
😑 I felt like I wanted to curl in on myself inside my shell like one of those roly poly pill bugs when it senses danger.
😑 I felt a really intense energetic sensation originating in my heart, travel all the way through my limbs, out my fingers and toes, and out the top of my head. It felt like my whole body stretched out to give it room. It felt neither positive nor negative.
😑 I felt a mild headache wax and wane, and occasional lower abdominal cramping.
😑 I felt like, at certain moments, I would burst right out of my skin.
🙂 Amidst the deluge of rapid fire thoughts and intense physical sensations, there were pockets of silence and stillness. My bones aligned and settled. I appreciated the heaviness of my eyelids and closed them thankfully despite not falling asleep.
🙂 I got up and paced when I needed to pace. I crept downstairs and watched some TV on my laptop. I considered and rejected reading; then considered and rejected it again.
☺️ What did NOT occur to me, however, was to eat to escape. Perhaps I was too busy being IN the dynamic experience of this sleeplessness to give it a thought. 🤔
I wouldn’t have chosen to have a sleepless night. I wouldn’t have chosen most of the thoughts and feelings that were blowing through my psychological sky. I strongly disliked a great deal of it, in fact. But we all have storms like these from time to time. In our discomfort, sometimes we forget that we are designed to weather ALL psychological storms. My body is certainly a bit worse for wear today, but the essence of who I really am is that proverbial blue sky; it remains untouched. 🩵
Paul McCartney goes on to sing, “No more lonely nights… never be another… no more lonely nights.” As much as I’d love to believe that, as long as I’m living a human life, there are likely many more lonely nights on the horizon. Maybe that’s all part of what it feels like to be alive. It’s achingly beautiful, and I am left feeling humbled and grateful.