Angie of 2022 wrote this:
Every weekend, my husband and I carve out “alone” time for ourselves. On Saturdays, I am completely free to do as I wish until 1:00 PM. On Sundays, he does the same. Whoever is “on duty” takes care of our son, feeds the dog, and tends to housework. Today, my husband was fifteen minutes late. He did not acknowledge this fact. Because I have a little bit of space from my thoughts these days (sometimes, anyway 😉), it was interesting to observe what arose in my mind. Here's what it said:
“What the hell, Dude? You’re going to saunter down here 15 minutes late and not even notice!? And now you have to prepare and eat lunch, so that’s going to eat up even more time. That’s just great. What a waste of time!”
These thoughts were accompanied by a sensation of what I would label as “anger” or “frustration” (body tightness, increased rate of breathing, heat rising in my cheeks). 😡
Normally, I would have expressed these thoughts and feelings right on the spot. Best case scenario, I’d present them with forced calm in a clipped tone. Worst case, the words would have tumbled out as they appeared in my head, or maybe with an extra dose of sarcasm. Either way, an outward expression of those thoughts would not have been my preferred way to begin the day’s interaction with my husband.
So instead, I rested Myself in the space between. What a gift it was to find myself there! My body-mind thought all the thoughts and felt all the sensations that went along with them; I simply observed them as they crashed in. I didn’t do this as a “strategy”. It didn’t feel forced or as if I was biting my tongue or secretly seething inside. It felt like I was watching a really immersive movie! And just as swiftly as the thoughts crashed in, they dissolved away. All without any intervention from me.
Is my mind still a little hung up on the fact that my husband came down late today? It is; that’s what minds do. 😉 But I SEE that. Are these thoughts accompanied by the same “angry” energy? No, that seems to have gone. If it occurs to me, I’ll talk to my husband about it later in a respectful way. And I will be much more able to actively listen without the frustrated energy on board. Either way, though, I know that this is all just life unfolding. ❤️
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Angie of 2024 wrote this:
Every weekend, I have still have "alone time". The arbitrary 1:00 PM boundary is much more fluid, and I don't really notice or care about being "on duty" or "off duty" anymore. I am where I am whenever I am there. Nothing could be different in the moment, because it is exactly as it is. Sensations of contraction with an overlay of "What the hell, Dude?" stories simply don't arise much or at all anymore. It has been seen that there is no such thing as a "waste of time." I'm not really even sure what that is supposed to mean. These reactivity patterns that presented as "anger" and "frustration" have been repeatedly and earnestly examined, leaned into, acknowledged, and unconditionally accepted when they show up. Over and over and over again. And it continues to be seen that everything is still just life unfolding. ❤️