We are highly conditioned to believe that certain feelings are necessary in order to do certain behaviors:
🔸You need to feel motivated in order to workout and eat more healthfully. 🍎
🔸You need to feel excited about visiting your family of origin, especially if you haven’t seen them in a long time. 👨👩👧👦
🔸You need to feel relaxed at a party in order to make enjoyable conversation and connect with others. 🥳
🔸You need to feel calm and centered in order to meditate. 🧘♀️
But let's take a closer look at this apparent connection between feelings and behaviors...
What if a feeling is not a prerequisite for a behavior?
In my experience, feelings are the equivalent of human weather. They come and go, and we have no control over what shows up. Feelings are nothing more than Energy + Story. When we feel a feeling, we experience some spontaneous shift of energy moving through us, appreciated as physical sensation, with a thought-based label/story attached. These shifts in energy are in constant motion and are entirely transient. Ever tried to hold on to a feeling? It can’t be done for any length of time. Ever tried to make yourself feel something you don’t? It’s a losing proposition!
So, if we experientially know how feelings operate, why on earth does it make sense to arbitrarily require what is an uncontrollable fluctuation of energy as a precursor to a behavior? That makes as much sense as saying,
🍎 “I can’t eat nutritiously dense food because it’s raining.”
👨👩👧👦 “I can’t visit my family because it’s kinda windy out today.”
🥳 “I’m not going to have fun at the party because it’s snowing.”
🧘♀️ “I certainly can’t meditate when there’s a thunderstorm!”
A bit ridiculous, yes?
So, the next time you’re not feeling motivated to complete behaviors that benefit you, please stop and ask yourself:
Is a specific feeling actually necessary for me to take action or can I just do the thing anyway?
For me, one of the most powerful things about building consistency with beneficial habits/behaviors over time (and not identifying with them!), was the discovery that there is not a solid, direct connection between feelings and actions. There is no formula, despite the one the brain can insist upon.
I encourage you to take the time to look into this for yourself and really question whether a feeling can prevent you from engaging in a behavior. Entertain the inevitable exceptions (e.g., "But what about...?"), but make sure to attend to your direct experience during this exploration!
Feel free to let me know what you discover!